Ending the Worst Month Ever

I made a new recipe on Monday, April 24. Stuffed Shells. 

It was pretty good (if you ask me). Everybody else kinda liked it too. 

I didn't cook on Tuesday.

We had church on Wednesday evening and played outside with the kids for about 15 minutes with parachutes and foam lawn darts. They had a great time. 

We went to dinner at Cracker Barrel with Deb and SP afterwords.

I went to lunch with Maleigha on Thursday, April 27, and never went back to work. We rode around Buck Mountain and back roads until time for me to pick up Brooke from school.

I spent the evening getting started on staining the new patio cover.

Stroker and I had dinner with Maleigha and Mickey at Hurricane Marina on Friday, April 28. It was good and the views were gorgeous. We had a great time and it was nice to get my mind off of everything else.

Saturday, April 29th was a beautiful day.  Erin, Brandon and Ansley came for a visit. Erin brought me the sweetest picture frame in memory of my mom. I'm gonna put the picture from Rock Island in it. The day was really nice. We hung out on the patio for a while and Erin told us about her "Mam's" declining health. It reminded me a lot about some of the same symptoms that I seen in mom these last few months.
Kenny Cat was feeling friendly. Stroker says it is only because I feed him, but I know Kenny loves me.

Later on in the evening, I storm came up and the tree out front broke again. This time, it came right at the house.  We were not home at the time. We left to go make a pick up just before the storm hit.  Brooke called us to tell us that a tree fell on the house as we were on our way home.

We spent about 2 hours cutting the limbs and piling them up.

Just like He always does, God protected us. Although the tree fell on the front of the house, the window didn't break and the roof wasn't damaged.

Thanks God.

Brookelynn left us a letter on the refridgerator Saturday night because we wouldn't run back out to Burger King at 10:00pm

On Sunday, April 31st, we closed the month with Church, Grey's graduation and our Pastor's 60th birthday party.

Although it was a good day...I am ready to see this month be over.

Time Doesn't Slow Down

Life sure doesn't slow down, even when you are trying to morn the loss of your family. I never want to let someone down on their special celebration just because I my hardship. On Saturday, April 15, Stroker and I got up just as we do every Saturday and made deliveries. To be honest, I don't even remember much about that day, we just went through the motions.
We went to church on Sunday, April 16 and then visited daddy for a while.

We also stopped by to visit Mildred.
Monday, Tuesday and most of Wednesday the following week has been forgotten. I can't think of anything but mom.
We did have 18 kids in our class at church Wednesday night. God sure does bless us with the kids on Wednesday's. Thanks God.

On Thursday, April 20, the guy showed up to build our patio roof. I had him to build it just like moms. It reminds me a lot of sitting on her back porch. I sure wish I could show it to her.

It rained a lot on Friday, April 21, so we sat on the patio and watched the rain (still thinking of mom).
It rained all day on Saturday, April 22nd too.
Sunday was a carbon copy of Friday and Saturday. Rain Rain Rain. We went to church, I went by dads to visit and visited Kevin for a while.

We are all still lost without mom. This is going to take a while to sink in.

Good Friday

We laid mom to rest on Good Friday, April 14, 2017. Darlene and I picked out the music for moms funeral. "Peace In the Valley" was the first song. It is the only song that mom ever mentioned wanting played at her funeral. I asked Angie from church to sing "I Will Rise" and she did beautifully.
Darlene and I both agreed that we wanted another Chris Tomlin song called "Home" played at the end.  We probably should have let Kevin's song choice fall in there somewhere, but we just kind of took the reigns and made the list. The funeral service went surprisingly peaceful and I thank God for that.
Some may find it a bit odd that I would go to a concert the same day as my momma's funeral, but it was just what I needed to feel closer to mom.
The concert, that we had tickets for, was Chris Tomlin. We had the tickets for weeks before moms passing. I'll be honest, I didn't want to miss it.  You see, it's not just about the music, the singer or the crowd. It's about praising the One my mom is with.  I felt closer to mom as I sang my heart out and praised God for His goodness.
Chris Tomlin sang the song "Home" that night (and I sang it too).  It didn't get me upset to hear, or sing, it felt peaceful to sing of the Home where my mom is and always will be. Right beside her Savior. If there is one thing that I can assure you about my momma, it is that she always looked forward to meeting Jesus.

Bye Hugs

I'm completely devastated, but these last few months, I have purposely been taking time to embrace what it feels like to hug my mamma. As I would get ready to leave, she would get out of her chair and stand at the door to tell me bye, tell me she loved me and give me a hug before I left.
I would wrap my arms around her frail little body and lay my head on hers (because she was gradually shrinking). "Love you too momma" I would say, all the while I am telling myself to remember this. I would intentionally notice how my arms lapped over each other because her body was so small. I intentionally took time to think about how her thin course hair (because of hair spray residue) felt against my cheek. I intentionally noticed how I could feel the frail little bones in her shoulders and her ribs. I could have squeezed her in two if I wanted to, but I held it back and just embraced her because I knew that I would not get those hugs forever.  I knew that I wanted to remember exactly what it felt like to hug my mom.
I know it is still fresh on my mind now, because it has only been a few days.  I pray my memories of how it feels to hug mom never fade.

She's Gone

I got up Tuesday morning, April 11th and got ready for work. As I went to put my phone in my purse, I noticed a text from Kevin that said "mom wants you to call her".  It was from midnight the night before. Even though it was seven hours later, I dialed moms number and let the phone ring about twenty times.  Mom never answered. I text Kevin back and told him that I just now seen the text and that I tried to call mom but she didn't answer. I told him that she must be asleep now.
I went on in to work and of course, people were asking about her and asking what the doctor said. I told them exactly what mom told me the day before. "I went to see her and she was doing better". I explained that when I got there, she didn't want to go to the doctor, she just wanted me to come see her.  I was also talking about how she needs a better geriatric doctor. My co-worker printed off a list of geriatric doctors for me to look into.
Around 8:30 am, my phone rang and it was Kevin. My heart sank a little as I answered it.
Me: "Hello"
Kevin: "Heather, I'm out here at momma's....the ambulance is here..."
Me: "Is she okay?..."
Kevin: " (Deep breath)...She's gone..."

And just like that, part of me died too.  I remember standing up. I remember telling Kevin that I was on my way. I remember not knowing what I was supposed to do next.
I managed to call my sister who hung up the phone saying "no, no, no".  I also managed to call Stroker who left work and came straight over to pick me up.
I'm not sure how I made it through that day, but I did. We all did. Mike was a nightmare on top of the nightmare of losing mom, but we all (except Mike) stepped up and did as we were supposed to.
We made funeral arrangements, we scheduled visitation, we picked out an outfit for mom, ordered a pall of yellow roses for her casket, and Kevin and Darlene picked out a beautiful pink casket that mom would have loved to seen herself.
In disbelief, grief, and numbness, we fumbled our way through the process of mom's final arrangements.

The Last Goodbye

I stayed home and took a break Friday evening, April 7th. Stoker met up with Sterl and Lee at El Tapatio for dinner.
Stoker had to work on Saturday, April 8th, so Brooke and I sat up the bounce houses by ourselves. She was a great helper today.
I hired a guy to mow moms yard this summer because we are inching our way to the second week of April and her grass is up to my shins. The guy that I hired showed up for his first mow and mom was tickled with it. She said that he did a great job.

I told him that he did not have to weed eat, but mom said that he did anyway. I'm just glad that mom doesn't have to stress about it this year. She always worries herself about how her yard looks. I remember when I was growing up, the grass was always cut and the flowers were always blooming. Mom has always liked having a nice and neat yard.
We had to set up the obstacle course after church on Sunday, April 9th. We had time to eat at Rib City with our church before hand. I also had a hair appointment that day at 4:30. Sometimes I feel like Saturday's and Sunday's are not even on my calendar.  It's all workdays for me.
I left work Monday, April 10th  at 1:30 because Kevin called and told me that mom wanted me to take her to the doctor. She wasn't feeling good. I called Darlene, but she said her back was hurting and that she was picking Gray up from school. So, I clocked out and headed to Sparta. When I got to Kevin's house and went inside, mom's face perked up and she said "You came to see me!" I told her that I came to take her to the doctor.  After she insisted that she was too tired to go to the doctor, she told me that she just wanted me to come over and see her for a while. I said "mom...I have left work to take you to the doctor. What am I supposed to tell them tomorrow when they ask about what the doctor said?"  Mom said "You tell them that you came to check on me and I'm doing better."
I explained that I needed to pick Brooke up from school if we were not going to the doctor and she told me that she wanted to ride with me to get Brooke.
On the way to Cookeville, she suggested that we get pizza for dinner and go to her house to have pizza on the back porch. After we picked Brooke up at school and took her home, mom mentioned the pizza again. She said "Are we not gonna get pizza and eat it at my house?" 
She sounded disappointed that Stroker, Devin, and Brookelynn were not coming over for dinner. I explained that everybody had been at school or work all day and was tired. A sad expression came over her face. I assured her that we would stop and get her some dinner since she had not eaten that day.  I stopped at McDonald's on the way to Sparta to get her a fish sandwich, but she didn't eat any of it on the way home. When I got her home and back inside, she scurried off to the bathroom as I told her bye. I told her that if she was not feeling better by Thursday, we were going to the doctor before her TN Heart appointment. 

March Ends Where April Begins

I'm doing pretty good about walking this spring. I made a lap around the park on

  Monday, March 27th. 

Stroker and I studied our lesson plans on Tuesday evening. We went to Logan's for dinner.

We took on our 2nd week of teaching the youth class on Wednesday, March 29. We had 17 kids that night. We had dinner at Cracker Barrell around 8:30.

Mom had a doctor appointment at TN Heart on Thursday, March 30. They decided to put her on Warfarin. Apparently, it is some serious medicine. We had to watch a 15 minute film about taking it correctly. Mom tried to stay awake for the whole fifteen minutes bless her heart. She also has to start having her blood levels checked once a week.

I also took Brooke for a hair cut on Thursday. I got myself and aromatherapy diffuser.

We ended the week (and the month of March) at the Doodle on Friday.

We welcomed April 1st on Saturday. Brooke and I went to a baby shower for a lady at church. We also drove to Monroe, Livingston and had a Cookeville rental.

We had lunch at Olive Garden on Sunday after church. Stroker grilled burgers on Monday, April 4th after we walked at the park. 

Everything was backed up on Wednesday, April 5th. Literally. We had to call a plumber to come snake the line between the house and the street. Nothing was going down any of the drains in our house.  Stroker even had to call them back a second time Wednesday evening.

There were a couple of storms that rolled through while we had our fellowship meal at church. 

Daddy had an aneurysm in his chest repaired at St. Thomas today too. 

Everything went as they expected, but daddy didn't want visitors. 

Between the plumbing, dad's surgery and storms, it has been a stressful day.

Mom had another doctor appointment at TN Heart on Thursday, April 6.  

They ran an EKG, but I was concerned about some places on her back as I was helping her get her shirt on. I hope it is not skin cancer.

 I'm concerned, but Darlene told me that I shouldn't mention it to mom. I think I need to find a dermatologist to take a look. I'll put that on my "to do" list. For now, I want to get mom ready for Easter Sunday. I took her by the house and gave her a facial. 

I mentioned getting her hair colored and trimmed. She said she would go ahead and do it, but she was feeling kind of tired. She fell asleep in the hair dressers chair on and off the entire time. Her haircut looked great. It was all trimmed around her little face. Mom said "I like this color, my hair was too light. I look stupid at my age as a blonde"  My mom has always liked to keep her hair done. 

I took her on home and got her settled back in her house. It was a little cooler outside today. In the 50's and drizzling rain on and off. She was glad to get back in where it is warm.